My Mothers Expression Was What Devastated Me A Quiet, Blank Look Tha

"My mother's expression was what devastated me: a quiet, blank look that said she lost everything." (p. 143, The Joy Luck Club) In the novel, The Joy Luck Club, by Amy Tan, the characters Suyuan and Jing-Mei (June) have a tumultuous mother-daughter relationship: one that ultimately is composed of conflict and commitment for one another. Their opposing ideas and beliefs is the product of their life experiences, which are drastically different. This and their lack of communication are responsible for many of the problems they face in their relationship. Only when June learns of her mother's past, her life experiences and the ways in which she was raised, can these conflicts be resolved. Amy Tan reveals several themes through her novel, in which she intends for her audiences to understand and learn. Some themes include such topics as life's choices, and understanding our family and ourselves. Mother-daughter relationships are perhaps the most painful but the most rewarding relationship women share. And though a simple comment such as "You're becoming more like your mother every day." might offend or strike terror in the female heart, she is still considered to be the rock on which we stand, and a steady hand that guides us through life. To understand the mother-daughter connection (healthy or destructive) it is wise to delve deeper and explore why we are first- natural enemies, secondly- why she (our mother) is determinably unpleasable, and last, how to redefine the mother-daughter relationship, so that both can learn and accept the other as she presently is by appreciating the other's good qualities and accepting the bad. Natural Enemy What is it about the mother-daughter attachment that yields natural enemies and demands so much power? No other human being is as similar to her daughter than the daughter's mother. They are mirrored from head to toe. And almost replicated down to their genes and sexual make-up. Like our mother, we have breasts; we bear children and usually are our family's caretaker (notwithstanding feminist revision). She also becomes competition when vying for "Dad's" attention. She ultimately is the "yardstick" against which we measure ourselves, whether in education, career, relationships or motherhood. Whether our relationship is strained or easy, hostile or amiable- we need her, if only to validate our femaleness and to guide our way. It is a need that never leaves in the best or the worst of mother-daughter relationships. The mother sets he tone for her daughters life, provides a road map and role model and continues to be and example, particularly her genetic and emotional example. But if mother and daughter have no connection, we cannot ask or talk to the one person whose psyche and body have "programmed" our own. That's why the loss is incalculable when a daughter has to figure it out for herself, trail blaze rather than learn from an example. Such a daughter has to discover herself, alone. The Unpleasable Mother What causes the lack of communication or the broken connection between the mother and daughter? Most of the conflict that June and her mother face are based upon misunderstandings and negligence concerning each other's feelings and beliefs. June lacks the ability to fully comprehend or know how her own mother because she is ignorant of her tragic and painful memories of the past. Suyuan lost her two daughters in China and her entire family was destroyed in the war. Suyuan decided to leave for America, leaving China behind and placing her future and the future in the promise of a new land. Suyuan hides her past and puts all her effort into turning her daughter into the daughter she could never be: pushing June to succeed in dance and academics and piano. Like Suyuan and June, in many ways mothers and daughters are alien, each foreign to the other. The chasms that separate them often seem unbridgeable. Even if a parent pulls no stops and puts forth their best efforts, it is no guarantee the child will turn out well. A mother cannot or could not control the immutable facts of her own history. Perhaps all her siblings were girls, or maybe she was the only child. Were her parents divorced? Was her family rich or were they poor? Thousands of variables create the child as